the gay title

When I first realized I was gay I kept thinking, well maybe I'm bi, how else could I have gone this long without knowing.  The whole bi thing also helped me when I was coming out, it felt like it softened the blow to people.  I wanted to be seen as the same person I was, I didn't change, I just realized something, a huge something.  I knew quickly that I wasn't bi but lesbian or gay or queer just seemed so scary.  I felt like I didn't fit into any of those, like I wasn't gay enough.

A new friend of mine, B is 20 and has been dating a girl for about a year.  She freaks out if you call her gay. She yelled "ewe gross, I'm not a fag" when someone casual mentioned she's dating a girl.

Umm, what?
Fag? 
Is that proper little lady?

She told me she didn't like that title.  B doesn't want any title.  She loves her gf but she says she young and loves who she loves and no title/label needs to be put on her.  I absolutely get where she's coming from.  People can be sexually fluid and no one needs to try and box them in to a label, because labels come with stereotypes and that can be really scary.  However, she really crossed a line with me when she said fag in a negative way. Internalized homophobia is real.  B, you got some.

It's been about five years since I realized I liked women, and only women, and I embrace the titles of lesbian/gay/queer, whatever you want to say.  Those words remind me I'm not alone. It takes time to grow a thicker skin, to stop caring about the looks you get from other people, the mean, childish shit people yell at, the assholes at work who say you can be raped straight.

Life is too short for me to care about negative people.


XoXo,

Harlow