words & feelings

I'm terrible with words, even worse when I try to use those words to describe feelings. I feel a lot, sometimes I think maybe too much, but the words never seem to convey what I feel. It makes sense why I'm a photojournalist. I want to share my thoughts, my passions and yes, even my feelings with others and art allows me to do so.

I've been incredibly stressed out the past few days and unable to sleep. My dog, Baby Shane, who is my child, not a dog has been having back problems again. Baby Shane has gone through two spinal surgeries and months of physical therapy.  He braver then anyone I've ever known, he's loving, forgiving, doesn't judge, he's loyal and kind and he's my everything. The specialist told me Baby Shane wouldn't be able to have anymore surgeries because it just wasn't possible, which means if another disc has slipped and it can't be controlled by medication and crate confining...my world might end. I lay in bed with so many thoughts running through my head...

I recently met a girl, online. We haven't met in person yet because she lives a few hours away and our schedules have been so crazy, but I'm going to see her next weekend. She's sweet, newly single, very shy but (poorly) pretends to be a bad ass, sensitive (this makes me nervous), and she makes me feel so lonely. We skype, text all day long, talk on the phone at two in the morning, she'll ask what time I wake up so she can send me a good morning text, and again, I feel more lonely because of it. This isn't real. She just got out of a relationship, she's guarded, she's younger then I am, she has to travel for work, the list goes on. I don't know if that list goes on because I'm looking for excuses or because it's how I really feel. After my last few relationship I have been left feeling very alone and difficult to love. Those are awful, hurtful feelings. I know I'm a great person, an amazing girlfriend, I just have to find someone who fits with me, easier said than done.

So many feelings tonight...

xOxO

Harlow